This is a question many mothers with multiple children often face, and it’s one that most try to avoid. The idea of loving each child the same way seems like the ideal, but if we’re being honest, the truth isn’t so simple.
For me, personally, I don’t believe you can love all your children in exactly the same way. But that doesn’t mean you love them any less. Each child holds a unique place in your heart, and that place doesn’t have to be identical for everyone.
Let’s take the first child, for example. They’re the ones who taught you how to be a mother. The first moments you held them, you experienced a love so pure that it’s impossible to put into words. You learned what it means to protect someone at all costs, to feel fear when they’re sick, and to experience joy in the smallest milestones. For this reason alone, the first child will always hold a profoundly special place in a mother’s heart.
But this doesn’t mean that the love for your other children is any less. Love doesn’t work that way. It’s just that each child has their own special place, shaped by their unique personality, the challenges they bring, and the love they give back to you.
Now, there’s often this guilt that comes with admitting this—especially when society tends to expect that the love for each child should be exactly the same. But acknowledging that your first child may have a deeper emotional connection doesn’t mean you love your other children any less. It’s natural, and it’s okay. Love is complicated, and it’s never just black or white. It’s layered, and it evolves over time.
The second, third, or subsequent children come with their own set of emotions. With each new child, your love grows in different ways. The first child may have been the one who taught you how to nurture, but the others might teach you patience, empathy, or a deeper understanding of your own strength. Each child is different, and your love for them is just as strong but expressed in a different way.
It’s important to remember that no child is more loved than the other. But the love is different—it’s based on their individuality. Some children are more emotionally sensitive, some are more independent, and others may require a different kind of care. This doesn’t make the love any less, but it does mean it’s experienced and expressed differently.
And let’s not forget, love doesn’t have to be identical to be meaningful. You wouldn’t expect two siblings to be the same person, so why would you expect your love for them to be identical? Each child has a different way of connecting with you, and that connection makes the love just as strong, just as deep.
If you’re a mother, and someone asks you whether you love all your children equally, it’s okay to admit that the love is different. It’s normal, and it’s perfectly human. Each child is unique, and just like people, love comes in different forms, with different strengths, and at different times.
The takeaway here is that love is not a finite resource. You don’t have to divide it equally among your children like a pie. Instead, you can give each child their own piece, and still have an endless supply to give. And no matter how that love is expressed, it’s always real, always genuine, and always deep.
At the end of the day, it’s not about how equally you love them—it’s about how fully you love them. Each child is their own world, with their own quirks, needs, and dreams, and the love you give them is a reflection of who they are. So don’t feel guilty for loving them differently; just love them the best way you can, and that’s more than enough.